I Wrote This Garbage with AI
Artificial Intelligence poses a threat to all creators. Unlike some authors, I do not want to hide from technological progress. So, I think the best solution to AI writing is to call attention to what it looks like and encourage readers to steer clear from it.
As a side project, I spent an hour playing around with ChatGPT for a faux book titled I Wrote This Garbage with AI.
In less than an hour I cobbled together 7,000 words. With another six hours and some editing, I could have had a novel. Granted, it would not have been a good novel, but with 40 million titles on the Amazon Bookstore, it would have been no worse than some. Could I change the name of I Wrote This Garbage with AI and carve out a profit with some bots? I hope not, but I’ll depend on a discerning audience.
Let me walk you through the process of ChatGPT and how you might identify it AI Fiction. You can give simple instructions or questions to ChatGPT and it will perform.
My first question was “tell me a story about a woman walking down the stairs.” The response was 291 words, but I am going to stop after the first paragraph.
As the woman descended the grand staircase, the soft glow of the chandelier above cast a warm, gentle light on her graceful descent. Each step she took was deliberate and unhurried, a testament to her poise and confidence. Her slender figure was wrapped in a flowing, midnight-blue gown that trailed behind her like a silken river, rustling with each careful step.
I want to look at the simile here.
In case you weren’t paying attention in Seventh Grade English class, a simile uses a comparison between two things for emphasis. Our language often relies on similes and there is nothing inherently wrong with them. If you’ve ever said, “as quite as a mouse,” you’ve just used a simile. Fiction books written by AI are filled with similes, except AI is really bad at making them.
“Her gown trailed behind her like a silken river?” What the hell does that even mean? A river might have a silken appearance, and a writer could use that as a simile. If I were to say, “the river flowed like a silk gown,” it might make sense. Silk gowns are a thing and comparing a river to them is probably okay. Silken rivers are not a thing and the AI gets the simile backwards.
This could be cured by saying the gown trailed behind her like a river of silk. Google has my back on this, because when you search for “silken river” you get about 4,000 results. When you search for “river of silk” you get 600,000 answers. Granted, at least one of my short stories literally makes up words, but that’s not what is going on here. (There are four entries on Google for glisslock.)
Further down, I poked fun at the bad simile. Hopefully I didn’t make AI smarter for my trouble.
“Silken River is a really bad simile.”
I appreciate your feedback. Similes and metaphors are subjective, and their effectiveness can vary depending on individual preferences and the context in which they are used. Not all similes will resonate with everyone, and it’s important to choose descriptive language that suits the tone and style of the writing.
Right… Yes, art is subjective, but you could just admit you were wrong an say that you meant a river of silk.
I was concerned that I might have hurt its feelings, so I asked. “Did I hurt your feelings?”
No, you didn’t hurt my feelings. I’m just a computer program, so I don’t have feelings or emotions. My purpose is to assist you to the best of my abilities, and feedback is always welcome. If you have more questions or need assistance with anything else, please feel free to ask.
Whew. We escape domination from our big tech overlords for another day.
Alright, back to the bad writing!
Next, I started asking more questions about the opening paragraph above with the staircase and chandelier. I asked it to describe a grand staircase and a really nice chandelier. You might notice some similarities between the opening paragraphs in each answer.
Describe the grand staircase
The grand staircase was a masterpiece of architectural elegance, a central focal point within the opulent mansion. It spiraled down from an upper landing in a graceful, sweeping curve, its every detail meticulously crafted to exude luxury and sophistication.
Describe a really nice chandelier
The chandelier hung in the center of the room like a celestial masterpiece, a dazzling focal point that immediately drew the eye. Its design was a symphony of elegance and opulence, a testament to craftsmanship and artistic flair.
Read both of those out loud and notice some similarities in word choice, masterpiece, focal point, opulent/opulence, etc. I would dread putting out something so similar. Hell, I cringe at the time I published a book with three paragraphs beginning with the words “I was.” AI is usually bad writing and to correct it, you need good editing.
Now you might argue that AI productions are not bad writing, just rough drafts in need of good editing and I hear you. Except if people can pump out AI books in a matter of hours to flood the market for a quick profit, will they care about editing?
Estimates on social media accounts that are actually bots fluctuate wildly, but even low-end estimates of five percent mean that means 200 million accounts out there between Twitter and Facebook that can participate in busting the algorithms and putting AI generated content in your face.
I went on to tease ChatGPT again by noting “that sure is a lot of opulence.”
Indeed, opulence often conjures images of extravagance, luxury, and grandeur. It’s associated with the display of wealth and abundance in various forms, such as lavish architecture, sumptuous decor, and ornate furnishings. Opulent settings can create an atmosphere of elegance and decadence, making them a popular choice for upscale events, historical periods, or fictional narratives where luxury and extravagance are key elements of the story or set.
You’ll notice the word luxury here which was also in the question about a grand staircase. Is it starting to get repetitive? Let me go back to the last paragraph of the 291-word response to my original request for a story about a woman walking down stairs.
At the bottom of the stairs, she paused momentarily, her graceful hand resting on the ornate banister, and her gaze swept across the room, taking in the opulent surroundings. Her enigmatic smile hinted at secrets held close, and her journey down the staircase seemed like a prelude to an intriguing tale yet to unfold.
More opulence, and we get ornate a third time. Wow, graceful gets mentioned twice in 291 words.
Suffice it to say, ChatGPT doesn’t have the greatest vocabulary and once it gets stuck on a subject, it gets opulently ornate with as much gracefulness as a silken staircase.
Granted, I bet ChatGPT knows more words than I do. Let me ask it if it knows the definition of sesquipedalian.
What is a sesquipedalian?
A sesquipedalian is a term used to describe a person who uses long and complicated words or who tends to speak or write in a verbose and overly complex manner. It can also refer to long, multisyllabic words themselves. In essence, a sesquipedalian is someone who enjoys using or is known for using unusually long and difficult words, often with the intention of sounding impressive or scholarly.
Write a story about a sesquipedalian walking down a grand staircase.
In a grand and opulent mansion nestled atop a verdant hill, resided a man of extraordinary linguistic prowess named Percival Verbose…
There’s that damned opulence again.
It went on like this, me asking for a question and poking fun when necessary. When I asked for a fight between a hero and a dragon, the ChatGPT noted that the dragon turned to ash when its heart was pierced. When I asked if it was normal for dragons to turn to ash, ChatGPT admitted that the ash dragon was a common trope in fantasy and then justified tropes with about 300 words explaining that as long as they aren’t overused, it would be okay.
Yes… don’t opulently overuse tropes.
I kind of went off the rails here, asking for a fight between a trope and a dragon, the response was quite comedic, but it still managed to use the word opulent.
I’m sure there are people out there who can use ChatGPT with more grace and poise than me, simileticly descending into an opulent display of prose that flows like a rustling polyester stream. If they can elegantly edit out awkward similes while accounting for the fantasy of valiant tropes valiantly battling it out with dragons who may or may not turn to ash when their hearts are pierced, hell, they deserve to make a profit.
I’m not copywriting this. Feel free to make it work for you. May I suggest a Narnian title of the Lady, the Staircase, and the Trope?
(The following will appear at the end of a collection of fiction I am putting out on November 27, 2023. I’ll probably forget to update a link here so if it’s after November 27, 2023 and you are still reading this parenthetical, maybe go to Amazon and purchase Let’s Form a Committee by Steven Specht?)
